Choronzon

CHORONZON: INTO THE VAST

WITHOUT NIGHTS, HOW CAN THERE BE NIGHTMARES?

- fragment two -

Earth is spinning violently above me. The grey, white, green and brown land flows together with the vastness of the blue mass of water. I reach up desperately, to calm Gaia, but my world is ferocious, and I feel it blaming me and punishing me. I turn my body to place my feet on the spinning orb, once home to me, but I am too slow. I curse, as my feet slip again and again. I am not welcome, and voices rise around me, calling my name like it was something bad. Something they despise.

EVELYN!

I cover my ears, but my hands slip through my head in a ghostly fashion.

EVELYN!

I scream back, and the voices abruptly stop. I start crying and drift slowly away from the ferocious Earth. Blackness around me. The stars in the distance are weak and ice blue. Far away I see my world, now calmed down and spinning slowly, like I’ve known her before. Suddenly I gasp for air; the darkness fills my lungs like water. As I swallow blackness, blackness swallows me, and I try to scream.

“…you okay? Evelyn?”

My eyes open and I inhale desperately, like I’ve just breached the surface after a long dive.

“Evelyn?” Dusk asks into the shadows of my quarter.

I feel my sweat had moistened my night shirt as I sit up and look at the doorway and Dusk. His shape a silhouette, his expression hidden. I breathe out to relax.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I’m alright.”

“Heard you scream. Bad dreams again?”

I sigh and flip on the reading light next to my bunk before getting out of bed. Dusk shifts his weight, I guess uncomfortably, and is about to say something, but doesn’t. I cross my arms against the cold and look at Dusk, not sure what to say. The chill from the metal floor spreads up my bare legs and I shiver.

“I… well, you,” Dusk begins, wanting to say something reassuring maybe. “I better get back to bed. If there’s anything, just beep me, okay?”

It’s not what I want to hear, but I nod, swallowing hard as he disappears from the doorway.

I check my comlink to see if Harvest has left any notes or orders for me. Nothing. I’m definitely not returning to my nightmares. There’s nothing I need to do, but my restlessness makes me put on my trousers and shoes. The green fabric warming my skin, the shoes shielding me from the metal. My hair’s a mess, so I just tie it in a pony tail and put on the Interspatial Corporation-cap we all received. Another step for mankind, they said, to deafening applause. I splash water on my face. Why would mankind want to loose itself in this vast black sea? I’d like to see them applaud out here, gasping for knowledge, meaning, air or whatever. I rub my eyes, and check for wrinkles.

“Just a few, now cheer up girl,” I whisper at my reflection in the mirror and smile. My reflection doesn’t argue and smiles back.

I hurry passed Art’s open door, not in the mood for conversation. He seemed to be studying again, anyway. I guess Mira isn’t keen on warming him throughout the nights since the fight last week.

“Not feeling tired tonight, Ev?” Harvest looks up from the charts on the control table screen at the back of the Pit. Shelly and Robin are with him.

“No,” I admit, approaching them. “What’s going on?”

“Oh, we picked up a signal bouncing back at our beacon four hours ago. Looks like it’s the Pytheacon, but we’ve received no live feed from them. Silent as the grave. Might be some kind of disturbance between us, Leer here believes,” Harvest looks at Robin who nods at me, like he wants my approval too.

“The Pytheacon? Four hours ago? Why didn’t you beep me?”

“Uhm, Shell and Robin were already here. I figured we had it covered.” Harvest doesn’t look me in the eyes.

“Oh. And what did you decide?”

“Well, it will take an extra two weeks from the initial two assignments, but Robin says that’s alright with him and his radiation check operation at the nebula. Mira and Art agreed as well, as long as they got their picture. They’ve got months before the UniDome Awards after we land back home anyway. And as you know the minor damages we received rushing through the worm, we might be able to fix them with spares from the Pytheacon. I’d want to have my baby doll fully operational as we approach the nebula, don’t you?” Harvest doesn’t raise his eyes from the charts and diagrams, but Shell and Robin are looking at me, a bit reserved.

“Two weeks?” I’m not really asking, but they nod. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Anything else?”

“No, not at the moment. I’ll beep you, if there’s anything of course,” Harvest looks up at Shelly. “Shell, could you run a test on the docking tube in the cargo bay? Make sure everything’s working one-hundred and ten.”

“On it.”

She walks out of the Pit, leaving us three alone. Besides the beeping and electrical churning of instruments, the room is silent. Tiny stars shine at us through the massive tinted glass in the front and back of the Pit. The silence is pressing, and I look up through the glass panels in the roof. Nothingness. Robin breaks the silence.

“Should be a slow week to the Pytheacon, since there aren’t many obstacles or readings which need to be done on our way. This region is pretty empty.”

“Reminds me of my cash chip,” Harvest takes a shot at lightening the mood and chuckling dryly.

I smile, though it’s more like a sigh.

“Okay. Excuse me, commander,” I turn, ignoring any words or body language. He’ll beep me if there’s anything. Of course.

Art’s door is closed and I stop next to Dusk’s. The nightmares are probably waiting, and sleep is not tempting. Maybe Dusk isn’t sleeping, and has time to chat? Just beep him he said. I guess a rap on the door is as good as a beep. I close my fist, touching the cold metal door. He’s probably sleeping so I change my mind. I continue to my quarters, but stop at the glass panel in the corridor just outside my door. The only sounds are the gasses, water and air running through the pipes above and below me. I imagine the absolute silence outside the glass. The deadly silence outside the Choronzon. Silence I longed for back home some times. The daring exploring space woman you are, even afraid of doing runs on the hull. Afraid of drifting away from this temporal home, into the vastness. I smile, staring at the weak reflection of my features in the glass. The faint stars on my forehead, around my smile and in my eyes. My lips shake, but my smile doesn’t falter. My eyes fill with tears, and I try to blink them away, but one escapes down my cheek. I better get back to bed. Some pills will do the trick. Suddenly I see something moving outside. I blink to clear my sight, but it’s still blurry. Seems like a bird shape. Another vessel? Black as space around it. I rub my eyes and try to fix on it again. There’s nothing. No silhouette fronting the backdrop of stars. I gaze out, maybe wanting to find a shape, but give up. Less sleep, less reality, I tell myself and push the door release. I walk over and sit down on the bed. The door closes and shadow kills the light. A raven shape. It feels like an omen. I don’t know how long I sit there, before the nightmares take me.

Sorry again about the format. Part III up in a few days.